Purpose of This Reminder

Following the recent acceptance of a new volunteer from the posthumous cohort, Human Resources is reissuing the Department’s probation guidance.

This document applies to ghosts.

It also applies to anyone who insists they are “not technically a ghost” while continuing to pass through walls, appear in mirrors without entering the room, or become translucent when emotionally inconvenienced.

Probation exists to establish suitability, reliability and basic restraint.

Being dead does not exempt you from it.

What Probation Means

Probation is a trial period.

It is not a haunting licence, an experimental phase or an opportunity to “express unfinished feelings at volume”.

During probation, posthumous volunteers are expected to demonstrate:

• A willingness to follow instructions.
• A working understanding of personal boundaries.
• An understanding of consent.
• An ability to remain visible only when invited.
• Reasonable control over temperature drops, unexplained whispers and dramatic entrances.

Repeated failure may result in extended probation, additional paperwork or reassignment to Archive Duties.

Archive Duties are silent.

Possession

Possession is prohibited.

This includes brief possession.

Helpful possession is not a recognised category.

Possession “just to move something” remains possession, regardless of whether the object was inconveniently placed.

Consent must be explicit, informed and freely given.

Where possession is operationally necessary, consent must also be documented using the appropriate Department form before possession begins.

The following do not constitute valid consent:

• “Fine, whatever.”
• Anything said while the living person is half asleep.
• Anything shouted during an argument.
• “Do what you want,” particularly when accompanied by crying.
• Silence.

If you are unsure whether consent has been given, assume the answer is no.

Electrical Behaviour

1. Flashing lights are not a communication strategy.
2. Turning lights on and off repeatedly to make a point is considered disruptive behaviour.
3. Turning every light in the building on simultaneously is considered a warning sign.
4. Interfering with kettles is viewed particularly seriously.
5. If you wish to communicate frustration, submit a form.
6. If you cannot find the correct form, wait. One will appear eventually.

Human Resources acknowledges that this final process may take longer than death did.

Timing of Appearances

Unscheduled appearances between midnight and 06:00 are prohibited except during a genuine departmental emergency.

This includes:

• Standing at the foot of somebody’s bed.
• Appearing unexpectedly in mirrors.
• Sitting silently in a dark room because it “felt like the right time”.
• Manifesting beside somebody’s pillow and opening with, “Don’t panic.”

If the living person screams, probation will be extended by one year.

If the living person cries, probation will be formally reviewed.

If the living person makes tea, sighs and says, “Go on, then,” you are on very thin ice.

Emotional Conduct

Probation is not the appropriate period for emotionally loaded manifestations.

This includes meaningful looks, visible distress, appearing soaked through, manifesting with unexplained injuries, or glowing in a manner that strongly suggests a narrative point.

Human Resources recognises that posthumous volunteers may possess unresolved feelings.

Those feelings should be logged.

If those feelings concern a specific living person, log them twice.

If those feelings concern your assigned probation officer, request the supplementary form before doing anything regrettable in a corridor.

Assigned Probation Arrangement

Volunteer: Delyth

Probation Officer: Rhys Llewellyn

Conflict of interest: Acknowledged.

Action taken: Ignored due to lack of viable alternatives.

All routine queries should be directed through the assigned probation officer.

All complaints regarding the assigned probation officer should be submitted separately and should not be shouted down corridors, through walls or directly into his dreams.

Human Resources Assessment

Posthumous status does not prevent meaningful participation in Department work.

Several deceased personnel have demonstrated excellent judgement, commitment and professional conduct.

Others have learnt not to emerge from filing cabinets during lunch.

Human Resources considers both outcomes encouraging.

Closing Reminder

Probation ends when trust has been established.

Trust is established through consistency, restraint, respect for boundaries and the ability to go an entire week without appearing at 03:00 to announce, “We need to talk.”

Filed by: Human Resources, Personnel and Spectral Affairs